you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
