You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
