He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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