I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
