Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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