Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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