His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
