I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
