Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
my liver is dry heaving
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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