A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
