He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
