Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
