Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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