if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
