I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
