she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
