he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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