Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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