I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
