Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
