I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
