What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I could fuck to npr.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
