I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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