you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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