**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
