You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
