omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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