turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
