hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
