I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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