She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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