Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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