I murdered the dance floor call the cops
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Found the puke drawer
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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