he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
