On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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