Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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