i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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