Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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