How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
