Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
