Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
