I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
