I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
