we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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