oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
