I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
