I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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