so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
