I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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