Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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