Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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