Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
this will be a night to untag.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
