We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
