Having a random hookup so left but love u
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
