I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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