I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
