Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
