she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
