I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
