Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
