I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
