apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
