...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
