He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
