I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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