Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
