how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
