College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
