I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
