my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
