Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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