Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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