clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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