im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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