Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
