JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
