I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
