Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
