Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
