Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
