Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
